'I stopped being the nice guy at work': Coworkers start treating employee differently as soon as he stops covering their shifts and taking on extra work

We often speak about the fact that in relationships, there are givers and takers. Ideally, you find a balance with a partner so that both actively contribute to a healthy dynamic while enjoying the privileges of one another's contributions. That way, we shouldn't have to frame both parties in such a diametrically opposed way.

This same mentality should apply to the workplace environment. The reality is that in the vast majority of hierarchical work structures, it can be difficult not to interpret the division of labor in this same manner. Upper management may appear to take far more than they give, and those with less power are often the ones who feel that they are giving far more than receiving. 

For this author, he was sick and tired of being Mr. Nice Guy. He had gained a reputation over the years for being a giver, someone who would go above and beyond for the business. You know the kind of company man I'm talking about. This is the guy who would frequently take on extra responsibilities in the hopes of a promotion he likely won't get for years to come. Well, after a while, he came to the realization that he was a giver and everyone else around him was a taker. That epiphany led to a vast change in the way in which he approached his work, and guess what? He's all the better for it. His coworkers? Not so much.

Author image for Ben Weiss Ben Weiss
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  • The author makes an important point here about respect. Rather than feel that his generosity over the years has earned him much-deserved respect, instead, he is far more likely to be manipulated and used as a result of his vigor and work ethic. No one should have to feel that way, not at work, not in relationships, not in life. Givers need to learn that, and takers need to learn to assume their own responsibilities. Hopefully, this guy has achieved a healthier work-life balance as a result of his change.

  • "I stopped being the 'nice guy' at work and now everyone hates me"

    I used to be the guy who said yes to everything at my job. Cover shifts, stay late, train new hires, fix other people's mistakes without saying a word. I thought it would pay off eventually, like
    via cyberyeeted
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  • my boss would notice or my coworkers would respect me more. Instead it just became expected. If something went wrong, I was the one pulled in to clean it up, even when it wasn't my responsibility.
    via cyberyeeted
  • A few months ago I decided I was done. I stopped answering messages on my days off and started saying no when tasks weren't mine. Nothing dramatic, just basic boundaries. Almost immediately the vibe changed.
    via cyberyeeted
  • People got colder. Jokes stopped. I heard through the grapevine that I was "letting the team down" and "not the same guy anymore." One coworker straight up told me I was being selfish for not helping like I used to.
    via cyberyeeted
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  • What really messes with my head is that my workload is finally reasonable and my stress is way lower, but socially I'm treated like I did something wrong. It's made me realize that being dependable
    via cyberyeeted
  • isn't always respected, it's often just exploited. I don't regret the change, but it's unsettling how fast people turn on you when you stop making their lives easier.
    via cyberyeeted
  • Factory worker leans on one hand while holding his hard hat in the other.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • Emotional_meat_bag People are always far more upset when you take something away vs they just never had it in the first place.
    via cyberyeeted
  • missilefire Welcome to corporate life. No one is going to swoop in and recognize your effort without you fighting for it. Don't be a martyr. edit: the trick here is to make people understand if you're doing extra for them. Find ways to have it paid back in turn. You can be nice and accommodating, but you should ask for things in return. If you're clever about it, that's how you build strong work relationships. I can't give specifics because these things are usually context dependent - but you ha
    via cyberyeeted
  • MrBorden Being "difficult to work with" is basic bitch speak for "why can't we manipulate you anymore?" You've outgrown your workplace. It doesn't deserve your equity. Move on down the road.
    via cyberyeeted
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  • votemarvel They were always using you, they didn't actually care beyond what they could get out of you.
    via cyberyeeted
  • R3dmund Be proud of yourself for making a change for you.
    via cyberyeeted
  • dire-raven-x It will never cease to amaze me when people call someone selfish for boundaries. "It's selfish of you to put yourself first, and leave me to deal with my own stuff." Do they REALLY not hear how selfish their own statement is?
    via cyberyeeted
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  • purple_elephant1997 That's work, today's favour is tomorrow's expectation.
    via cyberyeeted
  • MidnightFalcon89 I was in the exact same situation. Had such passion and care for the job and realized it only went one way. I stepped back. Did my work to an exceptional quality within working hours. If colleagues asked for help I would only help if it didn't interrupt my work. To be honest I didn't realy care about others opinions and certainly not the classic letting the team down line. I don't owe the team anything, if anything the team was letting me down by not respecting my personal time
    via cyberyeeted
  • Due-Parsley953 These people don't matter, they're lazy users and you absolutely did the right thing. Now they actually have to do their jobs and they hate it. You'll definitely outlast them at work if that's their attitude!
    via cyberyeeted
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  • Iron_Baron People don't like it when their doormat talks back. They were never your friends. Stop caring what they think.
    via cyberyeeted

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terrible coworkers employee coworkers nice guys overworked-employees work shifts employment
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